This post is best served with “Circles“ by Mac Miller.
TL;DR Trying something new can be a real struggle but not trying is far worse.
I’ve always been interested in drawing for as long as I can remember. It’s been the very first thing I think I was deeply interested in. I’m not sure what initially drew me to it as a chubby cheeked toddler. Maybe it was the incredible feeling of seeing something come to life from nothing right before my eyes like I was witnessing the magical work of some kind of wizard. Maybe it was all the cartoons I watched as a kid. I don’t really know, exactly. What I do know though is my mom had that magic in her. Without even thinking about it, while on the phone, she could bring to life all kinds of characters, stories, and magic on a napkin or scrap of paper nearby. A confident circle became a head. A few squiggles transformed into big, curly hair. A few quick curved lines here, a straight one there and suddenly there was a person, suspended on paper. A whole new thing that never existed before and my mom just did it. Without even thinking!
As a mere muggle,1 un-learned in the ways of drawing witchcraft and wizardry, you can easily imagine my feelings of inadequacy as a little 3-year-old watching my mom effortlessly create life before my eyes. She was a drawer extraordinaire, a superhero, a sorcerer turning a blank page into pages of a storybook and I was a baby-toothed kid with no proper motor skills. The little plant tied to a stick; the bike with training wheels. The frustrated toddler. With every attempt to draw came a new form of frustration as my stubby 3-year old fingers failed to connect the circle, the squiggles refused to squiggle, and nothing turned out like I envisioned in my little kid brain.
I had so many ideas that I needed to get out, so many things I felt I needed to express but didn’t have the skills or means to accomplish. So, naturally, I recruited my mom to make these ideas a reality. And she did! It was amazing! A life size drawing of Belle from Beauty and the Beast!2 A fight scene of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! A giant kung-fu fighting crocodile! Everything I could think of, she drew. The more things came to life, the more ideas I had. It was incredible, that is, until I inevitably wore my poor mother out. As a parent of a toddler myself, I honestly am not sure how my mom was able to keep up with my insatiable appetite for drawing for so long. She truly must be magic.3
I was fortunate enough to have a mom who was not only gifted and skilled in the ways of drawing, but also in knowing what I needed to grow. As a toddler, that was the day I thought the magic had all ended, the day my mom said, “now it’s your turn to draw.” The irony was, once I got through the tantrums, the kicking, screaming, protesting, and red-faced toddler rage my ideas were all still there just waiting to be made. So, I pulled up my yellow plastic chair to the table, slapped down some construction paper, grabbed a crayon, and started to draw. Immediately, I was drawing just as good as my mom.
The drawings were actually total hot garbage4 compared to what I envisioned, but it was my hot garbage. I was finally, actually drawing. That was the day I became an artist. Ever since that day, I’ve been drawing. I literally never stopped.
These days, when people see me draw they look at me like some wizard too. Like I must have been lucky enough to be born with the gifts and ways of the drawers of old. In reality, I’m just a little toddler who never stopped. I’m still that little kid who had some ideas and feelings that needed to be processed and expressed and I finally put them on paper and brought them to life. I just needed a little push. I think we all just need that push to get started and when I was 3, that push was my mom. Nowadays, I’m that person. I don’t throw tantrums like I did as a toddler but it stills feels just as hard to get started sometimes. Like I’m still that little chubby cheeked kid, still that bike with training wheels who just needs a little push.
So, here’s my push to start something new. I’m not sure where this writing, sharing of stories and drawings will go, but I’m excited to find out. If it ends up being hot garbage,5 well, at least it’s a start.
For those unfamiliar with Harry Potter; a muggle is a non-magic person. Side note; how have you not heard of Harry Potter? Where have you been?
There’s something about the bridging of fantasy and reality that has always fascinated me. Bringing a life-size character on many taped together pieces of paper was so exciting for me as a kid and honestly, still is now!
God bless my mom’s patience.
Okay, okay. “Hot garbage” is too strong, and not good self-talk, I know. I just mean to say that it was not at all what I envisioned in my head as a kid.
I mean, at this point I gotta commit to the term “hot garbage” 😄
This really captures the essence of the creative process! The frustrations, the joys, the yearning. Thank you for sharing, Grant!